the pillars of taking up space
as far back as I can remember, the world has rewarded the people around me for abandoning their own boundaries, desires, and needs. our society is built on burnout, people pleasing, and scarcity, so it is no surprise to me that the practice of taking up space has fallen by the wayside.
i lovingly invite you to this digital container, where self-expansion and taking up space are at the forefront. before i tell you about the pillars that hold this container (and my grander work as a boudoir photographer) aloft, i ask that you take a moment to breathe.
let’s begin 🔮
desire is the blueprint to your potential
what you desire matters because it is going to be the foundation of your self-expansion. when you want something and you go for it, you have to make certain adjustments in order for things to happen. your desires are the map to your potential and to your most embodied self.
by discovering and naming your desires, you create the space for them to become real. you make space for them to join us in the material plane. it is the spring cleaning of the soul - discarding things that no longer serve you and no longer align with what you want.
desire is often looked down upon, there are narratives that depict it as dirty, selfish, or filthy. if you were socialized as a woman, you may have been taught that your desire is secondary to the men in your life. but here’s the truth: desire allows us to create an action plan, it allows us to know what we want to go after and chase it.
your desire is sacred, and does not require a justification. you don’t need to explain to me, or anyone, why you want something. you don’t need to give me a power-point on why you should be so bold as to desire something.
if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no
saying no is okay. i want you to practice saying no. getting comfortable saying no. no is a full sentence. this pillar may sound black and white, but as a recovering people pleaser, i really needed the structure (and permission) of saying no.
in the deepest depths of my people pleasing, i found myself shrinking. i would make excuses for things that i didn’t want to do, ignoring the signs that was body was burnt out, tired, and just didn’t want to be involved in the decisions that i was making.
my thought process was always, “maybe I have the capacity to do this,” and then I would get to whatever commitment I had made and found that no, I did not have the capacity. and doing that would leave others and myself extremely disappointed, stressed out, and sometimes frustrated. the most compassionate thing that we can do is honor our boundaries. because it allows you to show up as your best self.
are you going to have to do things that you don’t want to do? yes, absolutely. it’s unrealistic to believe that you will live in a life where you’re saying hell yes to anyone and everything. but you get to pick and choose where you allocate that energy.
when you are more intentional about your energy, commitments, and time, you get to show up more embodied and aligned.
being yourself is the closest thing we have to divinity
deciding to be yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself in a society that profits off of your self-hatred is nothing short of rebellious. your self-acceptance is an act of rebellion. it is an act of revolution.
when i was first starting on my own self-acceptance journey, the “love”, the “acceptance” came WAY later.
you wanna know what came first? spite.
i was so fed up and disgusted with this idea that we have to compartmentalize and chop parts of ourselves away. so, i started finding joy in the distress of the people who wanted me to hate myself. i started finding pleasure in knowing that living a happy, fulfilled, and loving life would make them so angry. it would be their nightmare. and that gave me purpose to keep going until i got to the love & acceptance part.
living in your truth is an act of divinity. we are all humans having an experience, we are all yearning and searching for connection with other humans. and the only way that we are able to show up to those connections fully embodied is when we live in our truth. by committing to your own divinity, you allow yourself to be in community with others more effectively.
being yourself is a practice. and it is a practice in a world that tells you to shrink at every turn. so it is normal if you want to retreat. it is normal to want to shrink. the important part is that you continue to show up. so what are the ways in which you come home to yourself? what are the offerings you leave on your own altar?
closed mouths don’t get fed
asking for what you want requires an incredible amount of courage, and happens to be one of the biggest pillars of taking up space. by asking for what we want and need, we combine all of the other pillars: naming our desires, saying no and honoring our boundaries, and making space for us to tap into our divinity.
however, this pillar is not only about asking for what you want, it is also about asking for what you need. it is about asking for help when you need help. humans are not meant to be alone. we are meant to be in community with one another. and the idea that we “need no one” is a fallacy.
in Mia Birdsong’s "How We Show Up”, she says, “Perhaps most damaging, it includes a toxic individualism that creates barriers to deep connection and intimacy. When we are oriented toward doing it ourselves and getting ours, we cut ourselves off from the kinds of relationships that can only be built when we allow ourselves to be open and generous.”
by asking for what you want, you prevent confusion. by being radically honest about what you want and need, you allow your needs to be met and avoid the confusion of wanting those around you to read your mind. let your friends help you, because I promise you, they want to.
my intention is that these pillars give you permission, courage, and strength to take up the space that you deserve. and may they anchor you in moments of doubt, distress, and fear.
and so it is.
magically yours,
jude 🔮
